|
Post by Dell19 on May 13, 2004 21:32:23 GMT -5
The Boss
The boss called one of his employees into the office.
"Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the mail room. Just one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district sales manager.
"Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice president. Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?"
"Thanks," said the employee.
"Thanks?" the boss replied. "Is that all you can say?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the employee said. "Thanks, Dad."
|
|
|
Post by Dell19 on May 14, 2004 19:04:33 GMT -5
Technical Support
This is reportedly an actual phone dialog of a former WordPerfect customer support employee: Support: "Hello, Technical Support; may I help you?" Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." S: "What sort of trouble?" C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." S: "Went away?" C: "They disappeared." S: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" C: "Nothing." S: "Nothing?" C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." S: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" C: "How do I tell?" S: "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?" C: "What's a sea-prompt?" S: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" C: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." S: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" C: "What's a monitor?" S: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" C: "I don't know." S: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" C: "Yes, I think so." S: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." C: "Yes, it is." S: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" C: "No." S: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." C: "Okay, here it is." S: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." C: "I can't reach." S: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" C: "No." S: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark." S: "Dark?" C: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." S: "Well, turn on the office light then." C: "I can't." S: "No? Why not?" C: "Because there's a power outage." S: "A power?!? A *power* outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." S: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." C: "Really? Is it that bad?" S: "Oh, yes, I'm afraid it is." C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" S: "Tell them you're just too darn stupid to own a computer."
|
|
|
Post by Dell19 on Jul 11, 2004 3:30:55 GMT -5
Once upon a time there was a shepherd tending his sheep at the edge of a country road. A brand new Cadillac Escalade screeches to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Briani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sungpkmtyolles, Jovial Swiss wrist watch, and a Bhs tie gets out and asks the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the sprawling field of sheep and says, "Okay."
The young man parks the SUV, connects his notebook and wireless modem, enters a NASA site, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then prints a 150 page report on his high tech mini printer. He then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."
The shepherd answers, "That's correct! You can have your sheep."
The young man takes one of the animals and puts it in the back of his vehicle. The shepherd looks at him and asks, "Now, if I guess your profession, will you pay me back in kind?"
The young man answers, "Sure."
The shepherd says, "You are a consultant."
"Exactly! How did you know?" asks the young man.
"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Third, you don't understand anything about my business - and I'd really like to have my dog back."
|
|